Self-Care or Avoidance

Sometimes it is hard to distinguish: Am I doing this for myself right now because it is good for me, or am I doing it because I want to run away from something? The line between genuine self-care and clever self-deception (avoidance) is fine. This overview helps you to see the difference more clearly.

The Intention Behind It

🌿 Genuine Self-Care:What do I really need to be stronger and healthier in the long run?

⚠️ Avoidance:How can I escape this uncomfortable feeling RIGHT NOW?

The Result

🌿 Genuine Self-Care:Strengthens you, builds resources, makes you more capable of handling future stress.

⚠️ Avoidance:The problem remains or grows. Stress or anxiety return even stronger later.

The Feeling AFTERWARDS

🌿 Genuine Self-Care:You feel calmer, proud, grounded, relieved, or simply 'recharged'.

⚠️ Avoidance:You often feel guilty, more stressed, or have a 'hangover feeling' because the task is still undone.

The Energy Balance

🌿 Genuine Self-Care:Truly recharges your battery.

⚠️ Avoidance:Drains energy in the long run because the problem keeps working in the back of your mind.

The Direction

🌿 Genuine Self-Care:Moving towards your values and goals (e.g., health, stability).

⚠️ Avoidance:Moving away from an uncomfortable feeling (e.g., fear, boredom, pressure).

Concrete Example: The Unpleasant Email

Scenario: You have to write an important, unpleasant email.

Genuine Self-Care

"I notice this task scares me. Before I start, I'll make a cup of tea and take deep breaths for 5 minutes to center myself. Then I will sit down and focus on the task for 15 minutes, and reward myself afterwards with an episode of my favorite show."

Here, the break is a preparation to master the challenge.

Avoidance

"Oh man, this email... I'm way too stressed for this, I can't do it today. I urgently need self-care right now!" Instead, you watch a show for three hours while the anxiety about the email grows bigger in the back of your mind.

Here, the show is an escape from the challenge.

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